That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
