Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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