i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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