Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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