I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I want a musical about memes.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
