I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
