I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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