i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
