How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
