He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
