I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
