Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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