Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
