You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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