There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just high enough for therapy.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
