Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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