The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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