he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
