Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
