I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize