He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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