if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
