At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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