I skipped work to stalk him.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
