Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
