next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
