I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
