My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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