i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
