We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
