my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm always down for nudity.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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