Sorry, I don't speak sober.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
