Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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