I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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