So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
