went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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