Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
