Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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