Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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