I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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