why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
40s are totally the cure
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
