we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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