do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize