I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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