in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
