Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
All the doctor said was why
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
