i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he puts the penis in happiness.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
