Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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