He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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