i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
