first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
