um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
