I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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