I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
