so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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