I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So much rum. So many feels.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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