Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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