I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
