It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
