New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
