Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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