I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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