Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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