I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize