hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it glows. i had to have it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
