One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
