i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
