Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You are the jesus of drinking
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
