Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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