I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize