Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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