3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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