I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
