so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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