I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
