I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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