She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
