Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
