So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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