laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize