Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
