the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
