I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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