He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
