dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
