i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
