his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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