dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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