He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
