having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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