That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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