You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
