Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
