I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
