whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize