hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
