Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
