; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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