My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
