Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
