I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
